Dum spiro, spero (While I breath, I hope)
"Îi face bine omului să gândească şi să scrie..."
Oana Pellea
Permalink
This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can’t get up;
they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’
—the coyotes and the buzzards—
Because I provided water in the desert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for the people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
a people custom-made to praise me”
Isaiah 43:16-21 (the message)
I gotta admit that tonight nothing makes sense. Better said, things are like this since the beginning of the week. The good thing is that I know it’s just a phase I’m going through, and I know it will go away by tomorrow, or next week, or month, or who knows when. But I know for sure it will go away.
Tonight I can’t concentrate. I still have so much work to do tonight and it’s late, and tomorrow will be such a busy day. But oh well… I’m spending my time trying to figure out what’s wrong.
Things have changed dramatically in the last months. Just when everything started changing, I read this: “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is!”
And I’m like... I do trust God. I trust him with all my heart. And I know the timing wasn’t perfect by chance, and I know he wants to do something new. But I don’t know it in my heart tonight.
I find myself at the point where I still ask myself “Is this right? Am I doing the right thing? Have I really let God in control of everything or is just my imagination going crazy?”
But somehow, my hearts says Yes. I do know the one who captured my heart, the one who lives there. And I know he is the only able to talk from there.
So I guess yes, this is right. I am doing the right thing. God is in control.
And now that I calmed down, back to work…
‘God dwells in me, as me’, Eat, pray, love
Permalink
#1: People’s value
- Boring intro required:
It was one of the first days of the year when I decided to take each month and pray on something specifically. I wanted to take thirty one days to learn something and I wanted that something to be stuck in my head for the rest of my life. My prayer month starts on the 10th current month and ends on the next month’s 10th. Why the 10th? Well, there’s just something special about that date.
This month’s topic was people’s value.
I perfectly understand the value of poor people, abandoned children or at-risk little gypsies. My problem was another one. I didn’t really see the value of… ordinary people. The people who are able do anything, but they are just to lazy to do it or they don’t realize how much they can do. I could never see them valuable as they were. Of course, I thought they have such a potential, and they could be so valuable, but they needed to change in order to get their value.
I kept praying about this until I was too sick to ask God to show me something nonexistent. Then, I gave up. I thought this wasn’t the right year for twelve incredible, life changing lessons.
But out of the blue, everything changed last Monday. And funny, God didn’t take an ‘ordinary’ person, as I used to call it, and proved me that I was wrong and that they are valuable. God showed me myself.
On Monday, I had a lady telling me incredibly I inspire her daughter who saw me doing my thing with the gypsies. I never talked to that girl. I never took time to go and tell her something. But after five months, her mother tells me I inspire her. Overwhelming. In a good way.
On Monday, I got the sweetest letter from a person dear to my heart. A letter, and a little gift. The simple realization that life-long friendships can be formed in less than a week and that those friendships are incredibly strong and love-filled, even if the people don’t talk in months made my heart grow. I learned that people can see the beauty in their friends even if they don’t talk in half a year. Because they look at each other with their hearts, and nothing is more precious than that.
On Monday, I saw that all the physical, spiritual and most of all emotional work in nineteen months can be, eventually, paid off. And you can hardly find something more fulfilling than having people seeing your value and sincerely appreciating it.
On Monday, I had the chance, together with other amazing people, to go, wash the feet of about one hundred poor gypsy children and give them new, appropriate boots for this weather. I learned that the most uplifting feeling in this life is making yourself little, embrace humbleness for the sake of others. Even if those ‘others’ are gypsy little children. Even if they are dirty and smell bad.
I got home on Monday night and I looked back at my day. My heart haven’t been so happy and fulfilled in my life. Full stop.
On Monday it was proven to me that I am valuable. And God made me realize I was valuable all this time, even if I wasn’t aware of it.
Every single human life has an enormous value. Doesn’t matter if everybody sees is or not, the value doesn’t go anywhere. The value doesn’t stay in people noticing it or not. It’s simply there.
If I am valuable, I’m sure everybody has to be. Cause I’m nothing better than a single person on this planet.
If I am valuable, I better start looking at the value in every human being. I’m the unhappy one if my ego doesn’t let me see it.
People are valuable. All of them. The disadvantaged people as well as the ordinary ones.
Permalink
Lesson of the day #2
I have underestimated my ability to shut up and accept other people’s ideas. I am able to do it. I need to do it more often. In fact, I need to make a habit out of it.
Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it”. -Romans 12:18 (the message)
Permalink
Am invatat ca restaurarea, cand vine vorba de ce e in interiorul nostru, nu se termina niciodata. Am invatat ca restaurarea e un proces care cu greu, sau poate niciodata nu se termina din simplul motiv ca intotdeauna vor fi lucruri noi pe care trebuie sa le invatam. Si nu e usor sa avem parte de lectii care ne schimba viata. Imi pare rau, dar chiar nu e. Dar undeva se ascunde o frumusete in toate acestea. Si frumusetea consta in faptul ca Dumnezeu va avea rabdare si ne va mangaia pe parcursul lectiilor de care trebuie sa avem parte. Frumusetea, cand vine vorba de asta, e ca niciodata nu vom fi singuri in fata lectiilor dure.
Viata poate fi dura, oricat am incerca sa o traim corect, sau oricat am incerca sa o mascam, sa o facem sa para usoara. Dar curios, cel care are viata in mainile lui, cel care a creat viata e cea mai rabdatoare, delicata si buna ‘persoana’.
Mi se pare uimitor felul in care Dumnezeu ne ridica din locurile cele mai de jos, si plin de dragoste de inalta mai mult decat niciodata.
Mi se pare minunat faptul ca lui Dumnezeu nu ii pasa cine am fost, pentru ca el ne iubea cu o iubire perfecta, chiar si atunci.
Mi se pare eliberator modul in care Dumnezeu priveste la inimile noastre, si modul in care el cauta doar relatii intime si autentice cu noi.
Mi se pare incurajator faptul ca Dumnezeu stie ca o vom da in bara, dar cu toate acestea, el va sta langa noi pas cu pas.
Dumnezeu? Mai mult decat orice limba poate cuprinde.
Permalink
I realize restoration is never done. I realize restoration is a process that hardly, or never ends just because there is always something new to learn. And there aren’t easy ways when learning life-changing lessons. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but there just aren’t. But there is beauty in all of this. And the beauty about it is that God will be incredibly patient and comforting in our learning process. The beauty about it is that we will never have to deal with tough lessons by ourselves.
Life is though, no matter how hard you try living it right, or how hard you make it seem easy. But I find it funny how the one that holds life, the one that created it is the most enduring, tender, patient and kind ‘person’ ever.
I find it amazing how God picks us up from our lowest and lovingly takes us to our highest.
I find it wonderful how God doesn’t really care who we were at our lowest, because even then, he loved us completely.
I find it redeeming how God only looks at out hearts, and only seeks intimate and genuine relationships with us.
I find it encouraging how God knows that we will mess things up, but still, he sticks with us on the way.
God? More than any language on this planet could ever say.
Permalink
Lesson of the day #1
No one can serve two masters. Matt 6:24
Let’s put aside our super spiritual selves for a moment and think human. Let’s take the you-cannot-serve-two-masters concept seriously.
Let me tell you a little bit about my day. Today I was supposed to do two main things, things that I love so much. In my timing everything was supposed to go perfect and in my head I was about to be fully devoted to both of them. Until…
I woke up really excited for today. And then I got a call. And all my excitement was gone and all my plans for the day were ruined. I took some time, with a day before, and planned every single minute of this day. It turned out it wasn’t going to go my way. The only word spinning in my head- why. It might seem calm as I write it, but trust me, I was all anger and bitterness.
I left home. Still sort of angry. I just couldn’t get it - I wanted it to go my way. I wanted both things to happen. Both.
Going back a couple of days, I was seeking a deeper and more firm purpose in my life. I needed something to invest in and be fully committed to. I already had something, but I wasn’t looking at it like it was a big thing. I wanted something else. Something bigger. Better. And there it was, it has finally come my way.
But I got the call in the morning. My world collapsed. My plans were ruined. I thought I still need to search and pray for that deeper purpose.
So I decided to let it go. I decided to go on and be fully committed to the first thing, the one that I thought it’s small and unimportant. And out of nowhere, while spending myself on it, a new, fresh hope came. I realized that is the perfect place for me. The perfect environment to grow, give myself away, help, be a part of. It was my thing. My responsibility. My joy.
And I decided to make it my priority. I realized that this was the deep and firm purpose I was praying for. It was under my eyes the whole time, but I was too blind to see it. And I realized that keeping it like the ONLY important thing in my life was the only way I was going to be fully devoted to it.
I cannot serve two masters. I can’t invest the same in two different things at the same time. I can’t just divide my heart and body and be in two places at once.
As hard as I thought it would be, I CAN set a priority in my life, and stick with it.
And for the ones wondering what I was talking about, and which is my priority now - my lovely job.
